Posts Tagged With: Poverty

Public Therapy

Poverty TRAPS people mentally and geographically, BREAKS their spirit, and EATS AWAY at their soul until there is only a RESENTFUL husk left for the non-impoverished to gauge their success by. IT IS AN EXHAUSTING way to live! I know, I live in poverty and have quite a few health issues and I am also that same hypocritical ASS who has adopted the pitiful mantra… be happy, there are many in worse situations that me, be happy for all the little things. I NEED A NEW MANTRA, the “little things” in my life are not enough!

I have stated in other posts that this little ole blog is my form of therapy. Why? Why am I limited to writing and posting my thoughts, doubts, and insecurities? POVERTY! The thing is… I have insurance. My insurance even covers psychologists. Why don’t I take advantage of that? Co-pays! Living in poverty doesn’t allow for ANOTHER co-pay in addition the the ones I already have seeing a specialist for my Multiple Sclerosis, doctors for my diabetes, in addition to regular doctor visits for other issues that arise. I have to travel 70 miles each way for my MS specialist and that adds gas and usually a meal too. So, do I have the money for a psychologist, that I would most likely need to see on a regular basis? HELL NO!

I do have a friend that in addition to his friendship occasionally does something for me that gives me a little reprieve. I also have a few others friends that do understand my situation and we kind of do for each other as we are able to. That my be a simple as buying a coffee or treating a meal, and these are the “little things” that have a positive impact. These friendships are “big things” to me!

So, what “things” am I referring to as “little”? Things like not going hungry, having a roof over my head. You know… things that people that HAVE hardly think of or consider. Why am I not happy about having food? Because I can’t think of a time in recent years that I didn’t have to put something back that was already on a short list of things to pick up because I didn’t have enough. I buy stuff that helps me feel full, not things that are good and healthy. Eating healthy is something that I would enjoy as well as benefit from. The roof over my head is a great thing. It is also a thing that requires setting the thermostat cooler in the winter and warmer in the summer than most houses. So, having the simplest of basics of food and shelter are “little thing” things because they are not enjoyed, they are measured, rationed, and at times, simply done without.

Joining someone while running errands is a sad form of entertainment. If I am running errands with someone, it is because I like spending time with them, not because I like running errands. It becomes a fun “little thing” until they begin to shop and I am restricted to just looking. To be with someone that strolls through the WalMart isles and they put what they want in the buggy, or say, “I just want to try this” and never keep a running total in their head what they are spending seeds a little resentment. It is a dream of mine to go shopping for things I want versus what I need. To shop without needing to use the calculator on my phone to keep track with each penny I’m spending. Yes, even if it is as simple as shopping at WalMart for groceries… not worrying about what I am spending would be dreamy!

Payday to payday has been a lifestyle for me and way too many Americans for way too long. I did have a period in my life that the payday was certainly more than now and I did enjoy little and big things. It was not as glamorous as I may romanticize in my memories, but I do have happy memories from that time that spark flints of quick fleeting happiness… then back to reality. But the reality that I am not the only one in this situation and that there are people in worse situations just doesn’t bring comfort, it is just something else I worry about. If I worry about my situation, how can I not worry or be concerned about those in worse situations?

I seldom have money for Powerball, but I do dream of winning big like that one day! When I do buy a ticket, I wait a few days before checking the numbers because I can’t dream of winning after checking my numbers because it is only a dream to win. Why do so many poor people spend money on lotto? Usually because it feels like the only way out of their situation. IF I did ever win, I would be broke in a few years because I just know I couldn’t enjoy that much money and not share it! Being the ASS I am (tomASS actually), I am not even such an ass to not share. I have had the link to contribute to my therapy blog with a promise that once the $150 a year cost was covered, 50% of any money from this blog would be donated to charity. I’ve not received the $150 in any year yet, so no donations have been made. Also, since it seems no one else benefits from my therapeutic rants, I lose the incentive to keep writing.

So, until I am feeling so overwhelmed and feel writing about it, I guess this will be it for a while! I do miss writing about happier “little things” and hope to return to that one day! But again I post a link for anyone to send me some encouragement!  lol

Blogging is not free!  Please help cover the costs!

Once the $150 a year cost is covered – 50% of EVERY donation will be given to a charity (the charity will not be ME)!  😀

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GASP!!!

face of the young handsome guy on the water

There have been many times in my life I have described my disposition as simply “treading water”. Now, I am more frequently finding myself struggling to keep just my nose and mouth above the waterline, I feel I am sinking. What makes the situation even more challenging… I see no boat or shoreline on my horizon. 90% of my desperation comes from the simple fact… I am broke. A lack of money blocks the opportunity to even achieve a few minutes of life on a pool noodle.

I always seem to be close to an idea that my help my situation, but then I find am short treading-waterfinancially to make it happen. This blog at one point was an idea that I felt could bring in a dollar or two. I have had a few people (3) hit the donate button, this blog has never been successful enough to even cover the annual costs! To ask someone that “knows” how I could monetize this blog – costs more money I don’t have. I planned to start doing a video-blog or a podcast until I found I would need some basic equipment that I also don’t have money for. So, I continue to blog as my therapy because I can’t afford the co-pays to see a real therapist!

I have become desperate enough lately that I have resorted to living in my car for short drownperiods because I feel so trapped in my childhood bedroom at my Mom’s house. Yes, I am 51 year old and living at my Mom’s basically because I can’t afford any other option. I also use my car because I don’t want to make my drama/problems other people’s problems. So why don’t I just get a job? I also have Multiple Sclerosis, Diabetes, and now severe depression. I have “come out” as gay. I have “come out” as disabled. I have even “come out” as POOR. All things in my life I seem to not be able to control. I also feel as I tread water, barely keeping my head above water, life keeps throwing rocks at me.

I have also witnessed friendships vanish once I quit making the effort to go visit them, to call them, and eventually to even care to chase their friendship. I have a few friends that are as good as gold, but the “Cash for Gold” places don’t seem to be willing to take friends as trade! I do value friends that do “go the distance” to be Fingersure I am included and a part of their lives. One friend even offers an “open-date” plane ticket to come visit, but I still haven’t accepted because I would need some money once I get there. Other friends just get me out for a dinner or movie. I sometimes feel the friendship with the “plane ticket friend” is often strained because I am not sure he truly realizes the severity of my situation. But bless him for trying, he is a TRUE friend (but I don’t think he even knows I blog lol). On the other hand, a friend (long-time friend) accused me of lying about my family’s experiences with house fires because I had not “told her about it before”! Then she accused me of “using” her as just a place to stay (of course after I would have to drive 7 hours to get to where she lived and she had only made the drive to my place once – on her way somewhere else). One friend I flew to see several times to visit in Tampa and D.C. but didn’t even let me know he was visiting family an hour from me became too busy to talk or call back or to care about me. It’s understandable that not everyone will like me, including friends and family… even 2 year olds … it none-the-less hurts to be told… change so we will like you! So for some friends (and some family) it just needs to be – good riddance. 

I was once Red Cross Water Safety Instructor Certified. One thing that lifeguards learn is sinkingthat sometimes a drowning victim may try to also to pull them under. Someone people drowning are unpredictable and at times dangerous. I feel my (remaining) friends are like lifeguards and I am scared what I save memay do as they offer help. As I bob in the water, I know they have their eyes on me even when I can’t see them. So, I keep my distance and sometimes just have to say… later, you don’t want to (can’t) deal with me right now. I am afraid of what I may do in my desperation that will only make things worse. I feel I am giving up on looking for a boat or shoreline because all my energy is spent keeping my nose above water. One day my Prince Charming (young, rich lifeguard) will rescue me and/or I will win the Powerball, and/or I will be cure of Multiple Sclerosis, Diabetes, and Depression – I hope! 

 

Blogging is not free!  Please help cover the costs!

Once the $150 a year cost is covered – 50% of EVERY donation will be given to a charity (the charity will not be ME)!  😀

Categories: Life | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Roger Starner Jones, M.D. – Letter Writing 101

The Man I MUST Avoid In An Emergency Situation!!!

What If He Was Referring To Gold Toothed, Tattooed Immigrants?? Oh... But They Would Have Ricky Martin Ringtones Instead of R&B!! Nevermind!

I have read many blogs and comments about this letter trying to defend it as not being racist because he never says specifically the girl is black.  With his choice of descriptive stereotypes he wants the girl’s race to be known or he would have made better choices in describing the situation.   This is where I will offer my assistance to edit the letter he wrote to convey the same message without racially charged descriptions – while still conveying the heart of the message.

While working the night shift in the ER, I was evaluating a patient.  This patient caught my attention for having exceptional dental work, contemporary clothes & shoes, elaborate tattoos and a first-class cellphone.  Noticing these items, I felt they were extravagant for someone listing Medicaid as the payer status.  Following through on the patient’s evaluation, I also discovered this patient was a smoker and may also have an issue with alcohol, both costly vices.    My concern was not only the patient’s health, but the commentary of how this situation speaks to societal woes.

As the President and Congress address health care issues, using our tax dollars to finance them; I hope that education of lifestyle choices could be also addressed.  I understand many have not had the advantages in life I have had and feel education of how to make healthy lifestyle choices could help to begin addressing some of these cultural issues that concern me as a health professional.  Living in a state with high poverty and unemployment; making these educational and life skills training mandatory with accepting government assistance could begin to improve our nations health as well as societal conditions as a whole.

John Doe, MD
Anytown, USA

I feel that my version is not only racially unbiased but also is even gender nonspecific but most importantly offers a possible solution instead of just complaining.

Second – is Dr. Roger Starner Jones’ original letter with my interpretation injected as a narrative in red showing how I perceive what he really wanted say based on the attitude in his writing:

I Would Rather Take My Chances With This Guy!

Dear Sirs: (Anyone that will listen)

During my last night’s shift in the ER (I did not want to work last night), I had the pleasure of evaluating a patient (and I actually had to do some work with a patient while there.) with a shiny new gold tooth, multiple elaborate tattoos, a very expensive brand of tennis shoes and a new cellular telephone equipped with her favorite R&B tune for a ringtone (She was a stereotypical black girl.). Glancing over the chart (To confirm my prejudice,), one could not help noticing (I stuck my nose in her business to see her payer status.) her payer status: Medicaid (It was MY tax money giving her medical attention and no one else… just my tax dollars alone.). She smokes more than one costly pack of cigarettes (She has a perfectly legal bad habit that is really none of my business but I will comment on it anyway because it adds to my point because she does not smoke those generic less expensive cigarettes but smokes something high-end like Virginia Slims or Benson & Hedges) every day and, somehow, still has money to buy beer (and she still manages to use alcohol to escape the misery her life must be.). And our Congress expects me to pay for this woman’s health care? (As a medical professional, I am supposed to help someone like this?  I should care about someone like this?) Our nation’s health care crisis is not a shortage of quality hospitals, doctors or nurses. (Our nations heath care crisis has nothing to do with me and is all to be blamed on poor people like her.) It is a crisis of culture (In this culture I never have been a part of,)—a culture in which it is perfectly acceptable to spend money on vices while refusing to take care of one’s self (this 20 something attitude, I never got to experience because I had Daddy’s money and chose med school. I was studying and never got to have any cool life experiences.) or, heaven forbid, purchase health insurance (My Dad always paid my health insurance until I had a job that covered me and I never had to worry about health insurance so I cannot understand why poor people can’t just buy health insurance of their own.). It is a culture that thinks “I can do whatever I want to because someone else will always take care of me” (I am jealous for never getting to feel carefree because I am soooo responsible and no one has ever helped me.). Life is really not that hard. (Again, I have had an easy life and have no concept of a life of poverty so I feel free to condemn it.) Most of us reap what we sow (As I say this sh*t I hope there is no such thing as Karma). Don’t you agree? (Are there other narrow-minded jerks that can only think of themselves and validate my hostility about those less fortunate whom I can blame all of society’s problems?)

STARNER JONES,MD (AND ME SARCASTICALLY INTERPRETING)
Jackson, MS                     (Aactually I live in Mississippi also)

I am attempting to be sarcastic, but he was not – that is what is so sad to me!

Doctor Roger Starner Jones is a seventh generation Mississippian and his extracurricular interests are golf, hunting, fishing and college football. He specializes in emergency medicine at  The University of Mississippi medical Center. (http://spotlight.vitals.com/2009/10/dr-roger-starner-jones-muses-crisis-culture/)

He is a doctor that plays golf from Mississippi, that enjoys hunting and fishing!! lol  He is such a stereotypical cliché himself!!  lol  😀


Categories: Life | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

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