Posts Tagged With: broken heart

My Only Successful Relationship Is With A Rock Band!!

To date… I have only had one successful relationship in my life and that has been with Maroon 5.  As relationships have come and gone (or been absent) in my life, Maroon 5 was singing just what I was feeling.  From their first hit Harder To Breathe to the most recent Give A Little More, each single released by Maroon 5 matched what was going going through in my life at that time.

Now I will break the relationship down:

Harder To Breathe

When I first heard Harder To Breathe in late 2002, I was asking myself, “Is there anyone out there?”  I loved the music but it did hurt that lead singer Adam Levine also took my breath making it even harder for me to breathe!  So now my relationship with Maroon 5 had begun!

This Love

Next came This Love.  At the time, I was paying the price of loving someone unworthy of my love and it was taking its toll on me.  This is a pattern for me – loving people unworthy of my love.  Maroon 5 was proving worthy!  But this was still a début album – could it last?

Sunday Morning

I met someone late 2004 and all of 2005 and 2006, Sunday Morning had a real connection for me with lyrics like, “Steal some covers share some skin” and “That may be all I need, In darkness she (for me HE lol) is all I see, Come and rest your bones with me, Driving slow on Sunday morning And I never want to leave”.  I was in love!  I had found the person who I wanted them to “Come and rest your bones with me”

Makes Me Wonder

Late 2006 Maroon 5 released Makes Me Wonder.  So in January 2007 all I could say about my love was, “… it really makes me wonder If I ever gave a fuck about you”.  I was heart-broken! “I wake up with blood-shot eyes, Struggled to memorize, The way it felt between your thighs, Pleasure that made you cry, Feels so good to be bad, Not worth the aftermath, after that, After that, Try to get you back” were the lyrics that had replaced Sunday Morning.  All I could tell him is , “….I don’t believe in you anymore”.

Wake Up Call

“I didn’t hear what you were saying. I live on raw emotion baby, I answer questions never maybe, And I’m not kind if you betray me. So who the hell are you to say we, Never would have made it babe.” are lyrics from Wake Up Call.  This song I pick parts that were for me as I mourned the loss of my love.  “Would have bled to make you happy, You didn’t need to treat me that way.”  Again, Maroon 5 was singing to me.

If I Never See Your Face Again

If I Never See Your Face Again

All American Rejects were giving Maroon 5 a little competition with Gives You Hell then even Maroon 5 stepped up and came to my rescue with If I Never See Your Face Again.  My love and I did have one more night that gave my heart hope to only be crushed again, but “Cause you keep me coming back for more, And I feel a little better than I did before, And if I never see your face again, I don’t mind, ‘Cause we gone much further than I thought we’d get tonight.”

Misery

Almost 2 years have passed and I have never had to see his face again, but now I am in Misery.  “So scared of breaking it that you won’t let it bend, And I wrote two hundred letters I will never send, Sometimes these cuts are so much deeper than they seem, You’d rather cover up, I’d rather let them be, So let me be, And I’ll set you free.” I did, I FINALLY set him free by setting myself free.  I had learned while in Colombia that there is a chance for me to be be truly loved as I deserve.

Give A Little More

Now Maroon 5 knows what I am feeling now and has taught me what to say, “I’m waiting for something, always waiting, Feeling nothing, wondering if it’ll ever change, And then I give a little more, oh babe ohhh, Give a little more, oh babe ohhh, I’m not falling in love with ya, I’m not falling in love, I’m not falling in love with ya, I’m not falling in love, ’til I get a little more from you baby ohhh, Get a little more from you baby.” Anyone wants my love now has to “GIVE A LITTLE MORE!!!

My love affair with Maroon 5 continues and is the longest lasting love I have achieved in my life!!  And short of Adam Levine coming to rescue me himself…. I expect they will nurse me through any more attempts I take with love!! I love Maroon 5!!
🙂

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Lonely for Love

Lonely for Love

At times I feel I’m tired of living

I know I’m not ready for the end

I tread water determined I want to swim

Life has made me so sore I can not even bend

I enjoy life’s little things

They add up to be one great big deal

The wounds of childhood covered by scars

Hoping to realize the day when all can heal

Each time I try to love

I get handed my hat and have to run

The ease to share and give my heart

I never realize until it has already begun

The feeling that I’m not good enough

Questioning why they only want to be friends

Thinking each time it will work

As soon as I hope, it ends

I continue to try to remove the band-aid

It gets tougher each time

One day I know true love I’ll discover

But for now this will be the end of my whine

This one was originally written September 19, 2006

Now – The BEST song EVER!!

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Poison

Poison

Love can be a poison
Desperation for love blinds the effects
Love should be safe
Some love is offered from villains
Accepting it can taint the soul
Poor villain can’t accept love
His venom strengthens with each sting
Despondency looks to cure not purge
Healthy love is killed by the antibiotic
But the poison remains
It is easier to reject new love
Clinging for a cure for the poison
Loving the source of the infection
Healing comes from disinfecting
Sterilization……..is grueling
Eradication of the desperado begins the healing
Recuperate the soul
Pray for the scorpion
But invite treatment form the genuine
But hope it gives him hell!

Originally written January 19, 2009

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500 Days Without Snow

This is the story of boy meets boy…but you should know up front….this is not a love story!  That is a variation of a line in the movie “500 Days of Summer”.  Some movies should NEVER be viewed on an airplane.  “Secondhand Lions” was a mistake to view on the plane…. but not for me.  I had my headphones on watching “Secondhand Lions” on a Delta cross-country flight and the passenger next to me did not have headphones.  As I watched the movie (plot spoiler if you have not seen “Secondhand Lions”) the Lion gets shot.  I am watching the movie and thoroughly enjoying it, when the passenger next to me taps me on the shoulder and asks with a tear in his eye, “Is the lion dead?”  The man was watching the movie with no audio and was moved to tears at the scene.  I watched “500 Days of Summer” on my return flight from Bogotá after ending a relationship there. For me… “500 Days of Summer” was another movie NOT to be viewed on a plane!

It is a great movie, do not get me wrong, but in “500 Days of Summer” even the main character’s name is Thomas; making it an even more personal experience for me.  But as the movie begins, viewers are warned….”This is not a love story”.  As I watch the movie, I am thinking this is a great love story!  I even see parallels in my own “love” story.  This movie did not speak to me about my recent Colombian break up, but the love I have for someone in Las Vegas and this current breakup was a reminder how difficult it will be for me to love someone as much as I do my ex in Vegas.  Then as the movie turns darker (not violent or horror), I see even more parallels.  I see a man named Thomas pining for his lover that does not return his love.  Even as we learn that she had been honest and up-front about the situation from the beginning, “I do not want anything serious” she had said.  I see Thomas in me – Thomas.  We root for Thomas to have his love and as the movie progresses and ends… we begin to understand why.  He remembers things only the way he wants to remember them… not as they ACTUALLY were.  For the real life Thomas…. he still does not know why and is crying on the airplane (and blogging) for the world to see his lonely pain of love rejected!

As the movie counts the 500 days with Summer (the girl’s name is Summer), I realize to look at my calendar.  As I do… I come to a painful truth… the day I started this blog was day 500 from the last time I saw my love… my ex.  It snowed that day , the last day I saw my love… my ex…in Las Vegas and it was a record-breaking snow.  As I cried on the airplane and even now as I watch again and again on dvd – some movies should not be viewed on an airplane.  The last time I saw my ex, it snowed … so for me… it has been 500 Days Without Snow.  My personal movie still has not had its happy ending, but I did begin by telling you…. “This is not a love story!”

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Life Continues Even When We Stand Still!!

One thing about me is I know I am crazy or simply insane and embracing this helps me cope. lol  But a few years ago I met someone and fell in love.   We had great times together.  What he and I had is what I wanted the rest of my life. I still say is instead of was because I still have moments that I feel it is possible.  I still have dreams this love is or could be returned to me and be real as I imagine.  I know this person deep in his heart loves me the same but is just scared.  We still have occasional interactions via the internet and as much fun as it is to visit and catch up…. I am left with the feeling of wanting to shake him because it is like a game to him – he has me as a loving a devoted friend and I have the emptiness of knowing I am incomplete without him.  This person has friends but keeps me in his life (but at a distance) because he knows he will have no better friend than me, but I still need more than just the friendship… I need his love.  I do not know why he cannot even give it a try?  I do not know why I still want to try?  But as life moves on, I am remaining standing still – hoping and having faith he will one day know I am the one he should be with!

Being crazy also helps me cope because I know all the things about moving on, restarting my life, having new love: but I chose to have faith in him.  This person does love me, I have no question, but it is still an incomplete love.  This love is evident because he continues to survive the drama I am for his life.  He does not stand still, but seems to move only in a circle to end up back in the same situations and his life does not break the pattern but he continues to move.  I believe in this person more than anyone one outside my family.  I know what is good about him.  People like him, but I do not know that anyone has ever seen him for all he is and can be.  Some people really do not like him and I think that comes from them sympathizing with my pain.  They do not like him because they only see that he continues to reject the kind of gift that is so rare in life.  Or maybe they just do not like him because he is a shithead!! lol  But shithead or not… I love him and stand still as life moves on!

I sometimes have to try to be creative in expressing my feelings.  But it hard to move past a failed relationship when it NEVER was a relationship.  But as I stand still and he moves in his circles… maybe he will pass me on one of his loops and things will be different… not just for me, but also for him.  We make each other better!

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