Monthly Archives: November 2010

My Only Successful Relationship Is With A Rock Band!!

To date… I have only had one successful relationship in my life and that has been with Maroon 5.  As relationships have come and gone (or been absent) in my life, Maroon 5 was singing just what I was feeling.  From their first hit Harder To Breathe to the most recent Give A Little More, each single released by Maroon 5 matched what was going going through in my life at that time.

Now I will break the relationship down:

Harder To Breathe

When I first heard Harder To Breathe in late 2002, I was asking myself, “Is there anyone out there?”  I loved the music but it did hurt that lead singer Adam Levine also took my breath making it even harder for me to breathe!  So now my relationship with Maroon 5 had begun!

This Love

Next came This Love.  At the time, I was paying the price of loving someone unworthy of my love and it was taking its toll on me.  This is a pattern for me – loving people unworthy of my love.  Maroon 5 was proving worthy!  But this was still a début album – could it last?

Sunday Morning

I met someone late 2004 and all of 2005 and 2006, Sunday Morning had a real connection for me with lyrics like, “Steal some covers share some skin” and “That may be all I need, In darkness she (for me HE lol) is all I see, Come and rest your bones with me, Driving slow on Sunday morning And I never want to leave”.  I was in love!  I had found the person who I wanted them to “Come and rest your bones with me”

Makes Me Wonder

Late 2006 Maroon 5 released Makes Me Wonder.  So in January 2007 all I could say about my love was, “… it really makes me wonder If I ever gave a fuck about you”.  I was heart-broken! “I wake up with blood-shot eyes, Struggled to memorize, The way it felt between your thighs, Pleasure that made you cry, Feels so good to be bad, Not worth the aftermath, after that, After that, Try to get you back” were the lyrics that had replaced Sunday Morning.  All I could tell him is , “….I don’t believe in you anymore”.

Wake Up Call

“I didn’t hear what you were saying. I live on raw emotion baby, I answer questions never maybe, And I’m not kind if you betray me. So who the hell are you to say we, Never would have made it babe.” are lyrics from Wake Up Call.  This song I pick parts that were for me as I mourned the loss of my love.  “Would have bled to make you happy, You didn’t need to treat me that way.”  Again, Maroon 5 was singing to me.

If I Never See Your Face Again

If I Never See Your Face Again

All American Rejects were giving Maroon 5 a little competition with Gives You Hell then even Maroon 5 stepped up and came to my rescue with If I Never See Your Face Again.  My love and I did have one more night that gave my heart hope to only be crushed again, but “Cause you keep me coming back for more, And I feel a little better than I did before, And if I never see your face again, I don’t mind, ‘Cause we gone much further than I thought we’d get tonight.”

Misery

Almost 2 years have passed and I have never had to see his face again, but now I am in Misery.  “So scared of breaking it that you won’t let it bend, And I wrote two hundred letters I will never send, Sometimes these cuts are so much deeper than they seem, You’d rather cover up, I’d rather let them be, So let me be, And I’ll set you free.” I did, I FINALLY set him free by setting myself free.  I had learned while in Colombia that there is a chance for me to be be truly loved as I deserve.

Give A Little More

Now Maroon 5 knows what I am feeling now and has taught me what to say, “I’m waiting for something, always waiting, Feeling nothing, wondering if it’ll ever change, And then I give a little more, oh babe ohhh, Give a little more, oh babe ohhh, I’m not falling in love with ya, I’m not falling in love, I’m not falling in love with ya, I’m not falling in love, ’til I get a little more from you baby ohhh, Get a little more from you baby.” Anyone wants my love now has to “GIVE A LITTLE MORE!!!

My love affair with Maroon 5 continues and is the longest lasting love I have achieved in my life!!  And short of Adam Levine coming to rescue me himself…. I expect they will nurse me through any more attempts I take with love!! I love Maroon 5!!
🙂

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Lonely for Love

Lonely for Love

At times I feel I’m tired of living

I know I’m not ready for the end

I tread water determined I want to swim

Life has made me so sore I can not even bend

I enjoy life’s little things

They add up to be one great big deal

The wounds of childhood covered by scars

Hoping to realize the day when all can heal

Each time I try to love

I get handed my hat and have to run

The ease to share and give my heart

I never realize until it has already begun

The feeling that I’m not good enough

Questioning why they only want to be friends

Thinking each time it will work

As soon as I hope, it ends

I continue to try to remove the band-aid

It gets tougher each time

One day I know true love I’ll discover

But for now this will be the end of my whine

This one was originally written September 19, 2006

Now – The BEST song EVER!!

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Poison

Poison

Love can be a poison
Desperation for love blinds the effects
Love should be safe
Some love is offered from villains
Accepting it can taint the soul
Poor villain can’t accept love
His venom strengthens with each sting
Despondency looks to cure not purge
Healthy love is killed by the antibiotic
But the poison remains
It is easier to reject new love
Clinging for a cure for the poison
Loving the source of the infection
Healing comes from disinfecting
Sterilization……..is grueling
Eradication of the desperado begins the healing
Recuperate the soul
Pray for the scorpion
But invite treatment form the genuine
But hope it gives him hell!

Originally written January 19, 2009

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Mr. Smith STILL NEEDS To Go To Washington

Mr. Smith

I am writing as a disillusioned American.  I recently watched the movie Mr. Smith Goes To Washington.  While the movie is very inspiring, I stay disillusioned because it was filmed in 1939 and very little (if anything) has changed in Washington D.C. in 71 years; except maybe for the worse.  A majority of our Senators and Representatives remain as corrupt and unreachable now as then.  It takes money to get elected, it takes money to stay elected and “We the people” cannot be heard anymore – unless we have money.

U.S. Capitol

With the recent changes in health care…. I have heard many say that we did not need health care reform as much as we needed insurance company reform (ok…. I said it a lot).  But the insurance companies have a lot of money and their high-powered lobbyist were successful at getting their message to the Congress, but how many of us “ordinary” Americans were heard?  Congressmen were screamed at a lot at town hall meetings, but I felt that was all for show – they were not listening.

A big problem we have today that is not addressed specifically in the movie is the lack of bipartisan cooperation.  Republicans and/or Democrats alike act like children.  If I do not get ALL of what I want, I will just take my ball and go home and not play with you any more is the new party lines for both Democrats and/or Republicans!  Why do these men and women need their party to tell them how to vote?  OH – the money!

I am presently being abused by a federal law and decided I needed to contact Congress to let them know how the E.R.I.S.A.(Employee Retirement Income Security Act of 1974) law is favoring protecting the insurance companies instead of the employees in matters on disabilities.  I have directly contacted U.S. Senators and U.S. Congressman’s office with no results – not even having anyone truly listen to what the problem.  I even contacted the White House and did not even get a dismissal or brush-off reply – I was completely ignored there.  I am certain there is at least 1 Representative or Senator that would be willing to help champion my cause – maybe even a newly elected Mr. Smith.

I just want anyone in Congress to listen to me and explain what solutions I may have.  E.R.I.A. is a federal law, so they are the source of helping me find a resolution to this problem.  I have been taught that good writing consists of a call to action.  Here is the action I hope you will take on: contact your Representative’s and Senator’s office where ever you may live (in the U.S. that is) and ask them to contact me at: olemiss94@aol.com, just tell them this poor guy needs you to listen to him but he has no money. Let me see if I can recruit an army to help me, because I have learned I cannot do it on my own!

Here is how to find contacts for your location – http://www.contactingthecongress.org/

P.S. Please let me know if you do reach out to your Congressmen/Congresswoman so I know who I might expect to hear from…. or for future blogs may be listed as someone else that ignored me.

P.S.S. Please share on your facebook, twitter, myspace or anyway to help share my plea!

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But

I am not sure if this would really be considered a poem or what, but it is something I wrote on August 23, 2006.  Since I share more than I should… I might as well share this:

But

Life is good

Life could be better

But life is good

 

There is good in life

There could be more good in life

But there is good in life

 

There are people I care about in my life

There could be more people in my life to care about

But there are people I care about in my life

 

There seems to be something missing in my life

There seems to be too many things complicating my life

But there seems to be something missing in my life

 

There is someone missing in my life

There is a fear in finding who is missing from my life

But someone is missing in my life

 

There is a lot for me to share with someone

There is trepidation to share even the desire to have someone in my life

But there is still a lot for me to share with someone

 

Life is good

Life could be better

But someone to share my life with would be good

 

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Meet My Mercutio – A True Firework!

Mercutio is one of my favorite characters in William Shakespeare’s Romeo & Juliet.  He is a jokester; that through Romeo finds his free-spirited, privileged lifestyle challenged and pays dearly.  Well my Mercutio’s life was a challenge, he began his life paying dearly, but has now found his affable personality and I pray soon his rewards.  His mother was the mistress of a married man.  He, his brother and sister were known to his father’s family, but were scorned because of how they were made related.  His mother was the anchor to this family with their detached father.  He was marked with his father’s good looks, making the father’s family despise him even more.

His mother made great effort to make their family life the best she could with little help from their father.  But she truly loved the father of her children and accepted their place as the “other” family.  His father died when he was 7, leaving him conflicted because of the love and the hate he had for his father.  The death of a parent at this tender age would be difficult for anyone.  Now even the little help from the father was gone.

The struggling family was strong, creating a very unique closeness.  His mother became sick.  She had cancer.  His siblings were there for him, but he was the one that was there for his mother.  His mother did not want him to leave university for the unimaginable task – caring for her as she was dying.  As she grew sicker, this teenager was not afforded the care free bliss most teenagers know.  The more debilitated she became, the more resolved he became.  In his heart knew he was doing what only he could do – truly care for his dying mother as she had always cared for him.  He cleaned soiled bed linens, cooked and tried all a young man could do to comfort his mother.  All the while keeping up with his studies in his Engineering program at university.  But even the efforts and love of this young man could not save his mother and she acquiesced her final breath.

I had chatted with Mercutio online for some time without knowing this story.  I already had an admiration for his dedication and loyalty to his employer.  He had been working for weeks without pay because his boss was having a tough time financially.  Mercutio was putting himself through university and was already struggling financially, but remained faithful to his employer when I think few would.  He continued long hours without complaining because he knew again, he was doing what he needed to be doing.

When I met Mercutio for the first time in person, he was shy, quite, but very pleasant to be around for a 21 year-old.  This story was told over several beers.  I felt a cold dagger in my heart because I could not conceive such a tough road at such a young age.  He is a beautiful young man and I saw an essential need for him to tell his story.  I knew I was in a small club, few had heard this story from him.  We never talked much about his history again because seeing his smiling face – shit eating grin – I knew I did not want to ask him back down his dark childhood memories.  I only would mention it to express my admiration.

I recently wrote I Am A Firework. This young man is one of the people who ignites my spark, to let my colors burst.  He owns the night like the 4th of July.  There are few people in this world that deserve to shine more than this young man. He has shown what he is worth and leaves me in awe!  This past August, Mercutio graduated from University with a degree in engineering.  Meeting people like Mercutio is why I so enjoy my gypsy lifestyle.  Mercutio’s determination helps drive me when dealing with my set backs because of Multiple Sclerosis.  I am proud of Mercutio.  His dark days are behind him, his care free days are ahead of him – just opposite the character Mercutio in Romeo & Juliet.  My Mercutio is truly a FIREWORK!!

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My Parents Are Fireworks

I claim to be a Firework (see I Am A Firework blog November 1, 2010), but for my parents – I am just a sparkler.  I can live with that because I know they love me.  Even though they cannot always appreciate my burst of colors, they have always acknowledge my sparkle.   I am the man I am today largely because of their support even when my extreme decisions have challenged them.  My parents a very conservative, religious, Fox News watching, Republicans and they do love their moderate, spiritual at best, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Democratic son.

I know they have questioned how I became so different in my way of thinking.  It is because they always encouraged my sisters and me to seek answers.  My sisters, for the most part have followed the same path as our parents.  While they can accept on nothing more than faith that the decisions they make are the best decisions, I have to try to research, study, and learn to find my own answers.  We have learned out of necessity to tolerate each other’s differences despite that we no longer understand how each other thinks, feels and lives so differently. One thing we may forget is that I am standing as stubbornly on my decisions as they do theirs.  This is the example they set for me.  My Dad always repeated the saying, “You have to stand for something or you will fall for anything.”  We need to remind ourselves that we are both standing for something even if our “somethings” are completely different.  I know I often struggle to remember this.

My parents also taught us that nothing was impossible if we set our minds to it (they enjoy using clichés).  But my mind aways worked a little more diversely, so my impossibilities were even more adventurous than they would have ever imagined.  Trying to make the impossible – possible became a challenge at which I embraced and excelled.  My parents have had limited travel experiences compared to their children because when we wanted to see the world… we literally went to see the world outside of our beloved Pike county.   For me, to the point of living in another country.

We learned what it was like to have support in the decisions we made.  They sometimes knew we were not making the best decisions but knew we could even learn from mistakes.  We had support even when things were not our decision.  Few could have more family support than I did when diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS).  When I decided that Colombia was an easier climate to live with my MS, even though they may not have liked my being that far from home, they supported me knowing my health was at stake.

They may not have taught us to speak our minds as much as they set that example.  There are umpires and referees that will also testify to Dad’s speaking freely about a missed or bad call on a ball field or ball court.  Now we all feel we can speak our minds and like many politicians and activist groups, we feel only the loudest gets heard.

Land was Dad’s biggest asset and he sold (at a very reasonable price) that to my oldest sister so she could build a house and live close.  My other sister has gone above and beyond by taking care of Mom & Dad with helping cook, clean, keep up the yard and even chauffeur; will get the family house and the land on which it sets.  Someone asked, “What will you get Thomas?”  The only answer I had to give was I already got my inheritance.  I got a free spirit that feels enlightened because even when I am not a beautiful firework show, I am a fun little sparkler.

Thanks Mom & Dad – I love ya!


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I Am A Firework!!!

Katy Perry has released the video for her song Firework. I know I am 43 and a guy, but while watching – I had to wipe tears from my cheeks!! Ok… I am a gay guy, but that may be only one of the reasons I was moved by this video.  I sometimes tend to find my own meaning in songs that may not be the intent of the “artist”.  What I heard was – find that strength inside to make yourself  proud of who you are, to stand firm (even in bad situations) to make your life better.

 

Each time she asked, “Do you ever feel ____?”  I was like, “YES, I DO!!”  The song would be described as pop targeted to teenagers but it has been a long time since I was last a teenager and yet these feelings still follow and even sometimes haunt me.  In the video, the actors are all young, but for teens that may be reading this – I am sorry…. these feelings often follow you into adulthood if they are not addressed when you are young.  As an adult it is a struggle at times to find this firework inside and it is one reason I so admire many young people who OWN their inner 4th of July; because I know it had to be difficult for some!

Some people are fortunate and have a self igniting “firework” system.  Mine at times has to be choked, primed and refueled to just get it to spark.  But I have learned that even the beautiful people usually have or had their own struggles.  I feel there are few that have always had it “easy”, some are just better at hiding their pain and struggles – Good Bless Them!!  I feel a lot of us try so hard to project a perfect image that we forget…. in this crazy world – we are all in it together.

Another thing I have learned – there are a lot of people who no matter how bad they feel, how bad their situation – some have it worse.  When I wrote about health care, it was from my perspective of not having health insurance and no access to it.  I wrote with the hopes people could learn from my experience without having to be in my situation.  A junior high school friend died because he could not get insurance to help in treating his cancer. So as bad as my situation was…. even then…. he had it worse and paid a much higher price.

With all the recent bullying of kids that has led to suicide, I am saddened that people still tear others down to feel good about themselves.  Taking things out on others as a way to deal with our own problems is unacceptable!  Young or old, we need to learn to help each other more.  We need to ALL be FIREWORKS so the ones struggling know who can help.  If you have found your own fireworks, let your colors burst, offer to help others ignite their spirits!  We as humans need to this – we ALL have opportunities to be a firework.  Even if our individual firework show is small…. together we could live evry day like we OWN the 4th of July!!


 

Firework Lyrics

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting throught the wind
Wanting to start again

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that tehre’s still a chance for you
Cause there’s a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you’re a firework
Come on show ’em what your worth
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you’re a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
You’re gunna leave ’em fallin’ down-own-own

You don’t have to feel like a waste of space
You’re original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you’re reason why all the doors are closed
So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road

Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it’s time, you’ll know

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you’re a firework
Come on show ’em what your worth
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you’re a firework
Come on slet your colors burst
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
You’re gunna leave ’em fallin’ down-own-own

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It’s always been inside of you, you, you
And now it’s time to let it through

Cause baby you’re a firework
Come on show ’em what your worth
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you’re a firework
Come on slet your colors burst
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
You’re gunna leave ’em goin “Oh, oh, oh!”

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

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